Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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