If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
