Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
