Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
