I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
