Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
