Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
