I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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