Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
