I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
