I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
