Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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