youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Randomize
