i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just google imaged poop.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
