we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
