That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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