i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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