Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
