Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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