May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
