he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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