Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
