i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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