Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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