Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I won the penis lottery.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize