Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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