Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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