i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
