We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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