toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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