Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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