I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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