Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
