You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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