Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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