how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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