I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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