I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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