Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
