True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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