i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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