he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
