That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
