What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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