Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
