I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Congratulations! We have a period
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