i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
