"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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