my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize