This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
