I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
