he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize