his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
