just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize