OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She announced her abortion via fbk
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
