I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she told me i tasted like america
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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