are you still at the devil's house?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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