I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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