Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
