I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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