apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
