Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
