cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
