She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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