I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
