i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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