I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
