i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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