Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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