I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
