I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
