so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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