I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
