He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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