Please, let me fuck your mom
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
