she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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