i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
