he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
