If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
