I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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