this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
