I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
