I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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