He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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