is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
