Where did you get a picture of my penis
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
