Swine flu. Run for my life!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
