i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
