i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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