I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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