Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
