This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
