He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
