Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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